Some BIG things I forgot...

Yesterday in my haste to recall the last year or so as quickly and concisely as possible (insert laugh), I forgot to mention a few big things I'll be doing the next 12 weeks.

Before I tell you the first one, let me talk briefly about the HCG diet. Some of you may be curious, though this blog will be about my journey with BFL and not HCG so I won't go into too much detail. One thing I did learn and take away from that diet is knowledge about a little hormone in our body called Leptin, and I mean little in the most sarcastic sense. I read a book titled Weight-Loss Apocalypse by Robin Woodall, and it opened my eyes to so many things.

You really should read the book, though it is focused around the HCG diet. But, there is something I will be using, or trying to, for the rest of my life. It's called the hunger scale. Basically you rate your physical urgency to eat on a scale from 1-5, with 5 being content. You also rate your fullness after you eat from 6-10 with 6 being satisfied and 10 in pain from over eating. Your goal should be to stay around a 5-6. I try to eat when I feel like a 3-4, and stop when I reach 4.5-5 as to not push myself beyond a 6. This all works because of the leptin. When you're physically hungery your body releases leptin that stimulates the physical desire to eat. When you eat, leptin levels decrease causing the need to eat to diminish. If you eat too much, your body will release MORE leptin (too much) thus causing fat storage. It's a simple yet complicated process, but the book does a good job explaining it. All I will go into here is that I will be listing to my physical cues to eat, and stopping as soon as I reach a 4.5 - 5 on the hunger scale. BFL says to eat every 2-3 hours, but if I'm not hungry in 2 hours, I won't eat. If I'm still hungry 30 minutes after eating one meal, I'll eat again and so on. If I'm in the middle of eating a meal and reach a 4.5 on the hunger scale I will not finish what I'm eating just because I think I'm supposed to. You get the idea.

I hope to live my life around the hunger scale. It makes sense. But I'm not naive enough to think that I will ALWAYS be a strong follower, but I want to be the majority of the time. Anyway, if I've completely confused you, read the book. I think I bought if off Amazon for around $10. Totally worth it. And if you're an emotional eater like me, then it will address that as well. But that's a topic for a whole nother post. A long one at that.

The other thing I forgot to mention is that I will be doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video.

This will be in addition to my required BFL workout. So if I get my shred in one day but not my BFL workout, then basically to me I did not workout that day, get it? I will be taking Fridays off from all workouts, even from Jillian. So I guess technically it will be more like a 34 day shred. But I hope to really lose some inches in the next month or so.

Two of my scheduled cardio days will be the Couch to 5k running program. One weight day I'll add the third C25k day, plus will be doing the shred which will make for a very tiring day. The other scheduled cardio day will be a cycling class.

Ok, I think that covers what I left out. Eating according the hunger scale and doing the 30 Day Shred.

Today I got my shred in and my 20mins of cardio. My cycling class was cancelled for the day of love.

I love me some pizza and chocolate, so today I'll have my cheat meal. But normally it will be on Saturdays, so not this Saturday but the next one I'll have a cheat meal again.

I have a huge list of all the great foods I can eat as my carbs, protein and fats on this program and after being so restricted on the HCG protocol I feel like I have tons of choices. I'll share some of my go to foods on another day's post.

Hope everyone has a nice Valentine's Day.

12 Week Journey...

Wow, it's been so long I forgot I even had this blog. Not really, but I sure did push it to the far corner of my brain. I'm back, and have lots to catch you up on. So I don't completely bore you, I'll make it short and sweet. From my side bar to the left, you can see that my weight got up to an all time high of 190. It made me SICK to see that number. I only saw it once but hung around 188 for months. I fell into a deep depression.

Before summer 2011 I heard about the HCG diet and decided to give it a whirl. I lost 20lbs in 23days. So happy. But as with all quick losses, I had quick gains and ended up gaining 10lbs back. Then I dabbled with Medifast and lost 14lbs, but a move and Halloween kicked me up a few pounds, PLUS I was spoiled by HCG, and losing 2-3lbs a week was not fast enough to me since I knew I could lose a pound a day with HCG. After Thanksgiving I went back on HCG again but with the Holidays I couldn't keep myself from cheating and since it's so hard on your system to start and stop that protocol I had to take myself off it. The lowest I got was 162 in Jan.

So, since I haven't given up on my weight loss dream, it's time to start yet ANOTHER type of program. Now I know what you're probably thinking..."you've tried everything lady, nothing is going to work for you". Trust me, I KNOW. BUT, I also know that I have not been overweight all my life. In fact, the majority of my adult life I have been a healthy weight and even after my second child I was fit and lean. This has been an issue since I had my third child in 2010. I just can't seem to get focused. But I'm not giving up. If I listen to the voice of doubt in my head saying "nothing will work for me", NOTHING WILL WORK FOR ME. Because I won't be doing anything! If I keep trying, I have hope. And "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies" - Shawshank Redemption.

And so, here I am again. This time I've spent some time evaluating: myself, my past successes, past failures, and I think I've come up with a solution. I tried to figure out what the difference has been between the times I did lose weight after my kids, and the times I've failed. There are a few similar factors. One, I never had a scale. After my second child I only had the scale at the gym, but I worked out with a friend so we only stepped on it maybe once every couple of months. Two, my goals NEVER revolved around weight, always about fitness, clothing size and inches. Three, no time constraints ie, be this size in two months. I did however have fitness constraints like run a 5k in this month etc. And fourth, no diet plan. I tried to make good choices 50% of the time, but I didn't follow any certain diet plan.

Now, I'm not saying these four are my road to success this time, just that they've been in the past. The first two I'm going to do this time. The last two have to be tweaked a bit because I'm now about 10years older and it took me about a year to lose 20lbs with not watching my diet. I don't have that kind of time now. Plus it's a healthier way to do it.

So, I'm getting rid of the scale, taking my measurements once every two weeks, signing up for a 5k and eating according to the Body for Life program. Will be following that exercise program as well.

I'm so excited. It will feel so freeing to not judge my day by the number on the scale but by how many miles I run, or weights I can bench.
It's what worked before and it feels familiar and comforting.
I will try to post a few times a week, but I can't commit to everyday. I just know it won't happen.
I'll be putting up some before pics as well as my numbers on the left there. Again, only the measurements will be changing.

So, for day one I did cardio. It was supposed to be a weight day because tomorrow is the cycling class I like and that will be my cardio day, but I didn't have time to go to the gym so I just did a video. I think it's ok while I'm trying to sort out a schedule.

MIA

I know I haven't posted anything here in awhile - it's because I WENT BACK TO WORK! Bleh. Yes, my beautiful 4months off has come to an end. Last week I had to take the elevator up to the dreaded 4th floor again. And do you think they were easy on me? Giving me a chance to get back in the swing of things? Learning all the things that have changed since I've been gone? NO WAY. I was the only one with 5 patients at 1900 and then 6 at 2300. Thanks guys. But enough about that - that's just my excuse.

Weight wise I've done pretty good. Down another 2lbs. Not to shabby for minimal exercise, but I have been cutting my portions way back. Not sure how working nights will play into this weight loss thing. A messed up sleep pattern can totally wreck your progress, but then again I run my A off at work so maybe that will help. We'll see.

I plan to get some good workouts in this week since I'm off until Friday.
Until then - it's sweat time.

ps - good job Mom on the 15lb loss!!!

Happy Saturday

Got up this morning and met a friend for a 0630 bike ride. Ended up doing about 65mins, roughly 16miles. Felt great to burn over 600 calories so early.
Now I'm off to eat some egg whites and salsa - yumm. I'll have a great rest of the day knowing I got my workout in.
Have a great weekend.

FIRMalicious

It's been a rough week. I haven't felt like doing anything and I think there may have been a binge day in there too. I guess the only thing that keeps me going is that I keep trying. I may not be successful (yet) but I keep trying.

Today marks my DD 4month birthday - oh how time flys. So I thought it would be appropriate to celebrate by trying out a new workout DVD that I've had for about two months. I just haven't wanted to try it - until today. Boy am I glad I did!

The FIRM - 500 calorie workout

(only $9.95 from Wal-Mart, but you might find it cheaper online)

It guarantees you'll burn 500 calories so I tested it with my HRM, and guess what? I burned 658 calories in 60mins! That's as much as I burn running for 60mins!!! Fantastic. AND, I did mainly the beginner variation with hardly any weights. The thing I really like is that it's hard. It's not like a pansy DVD that I've tried before - and believe me I've tried A LOT of them. I hate it when you're not pushed or don't even break a sweat after a week of using it. Not this one. Once I master the beginner then I have the option of weights, which I'll start with 5lbs since I don't own 3lbs, then move up to 8lbs, 10lbs etc. I can see myself benefiting from this DVD for awhile.

If you're a beginner beginner and have a hard time keeping up with fast paced steps then this might not be for you. But if you're looking to burn over 500 calories in an hour, use weights and cardio combined, do some push ups, ab work etc., then you'll like this one.

I'm so happy with the way I spent that hour. I feel much better today!

New Week

Last week I got the sickness. I was so sick that no exercise happened. Today I'm feeling better but still a bit congested in the head. I'm going to call last week a draw and start this new week fresh and ready to get my big butt moving.
Pretty happy that the scale was back in the 178's again even with a crappy week. Moving on.

Freak Out Moment

I had a freak out moment yesterday. I dodged a very would-be embarrassing moment. I was gone for most of the day (thank goodness!) and when I returned home late in the evening there was a message on my phone from an old friend - whom I haven't seen in 5 years.

She was in town!!

She wanted to meet!!!

I was supposed to call her!!!!

Now, before I go on let me say that I REALLY like this friend and would have LOVED to see her - if it weren't for my weight. Luckily by the time I got home she was surely on her way home and no longer in the danger zone. For this I was grateful. How sad is that?

I knew and lived by this friend back when my second son was born and I lost all (and then some) of my baby weight. I didn't feel like it then, but I looked fantastic. I couldn't let her see me like this, not after 5 years, not when the last time she saw me I was 128lbs! She probably wouldn't recognize me or worse, she wouldn't be able to hide her "surprise" face at seeing me. Not that she'd do it on purpose, but who could blame her?

This is what I've come to. Hiding. Is this not a kick in the pants to step it up a notch? I'll have these moments again, that's for sure. I want next time to be different. It NEEDS to be different.

This mornings chow: Oats with PB and a handful of chocolate chips. Sweet tooth in the morning? Oh yeah! Thanks Mom!

And the scale goes...up

I weighed myself on Wednesday and didn't like what she told me. How I hate her sometimes. Though I didn't see the ugly ugly 180 again, I did gain 1.4lbs. BUT, with the way things went while out of town - I'd say ok to that. Just need to step it up and be REAL good with my calories. I may sneak another weigh in on Mon - haven't decided yet. I'll do it only if I feel like she'll be nicer to me. If not, no way.

Have to get a run in tonight after it cools off. If I don't go in the morning, I have to wait until at least 8pm. I hate when I miss my morning workout time.

Crunching Numbers

I'm back. I did ok out of town. Not the greatest - well not great at all come to think of it. I was on "vacation" ya know. So I have to get back to it hard this week. I did two work outs on Monday and got my run/walk in this morning. I was supposed to weigh in Mon, but for some reason didn't - or today. I will do it first thing in the morning. I better not see the big 1-8-0 again.

While I was out on my run this morning I started to think about things I've read over the years. Some people say you shouldn't or don't have to workout to lose weight. I'm not sure how I feel about that. If you just play the numbers game, calories in calories out, then I guess you wouldn't have to workout if you kept your calories in check.
BUT, you would have to workout to change your body. That butt won't get off your thighs by just losing weight and your "bye bye" arms won't firm up by just cutting calories. You HAVE TO WORKOUT to change your body.

But hold the phone for a second. There is a gray line here. I know from prior experience that working out may sometimes NOT work in your favor. I'm talking about the gigantic hunger monster that shows up the night of or day after a really hard, long workout. It's that monster that can't be satisfied and needs to eat everything in the house - including the house. I've met with this monster many times. The problem is you end up consuming MORE calories by feeding him than you would have if you hadn't worked out. Get it?

So say I burn 800 cals on a nice long bike ride. That's awesome right? Well, that night (or the next day) the hunger monster shows up and DEMANDS I eat and eat and eat. I end up eating an excess of 1000-1500cals (depending on the severity) and therefore not only counter acted my ride, but now have a nice surplus for my body to store as fat. So, the question being - Should you exercise? The answer is YES. The success will happen if you can control that hunger monster - if you're strong enough to beat him and not feed him. And guess what will happen, he'll feed off your fat! Hooray.

But I'm weak. And if you're weak like me here's a plan I've done many times (actually on accident) that will still make working out work for you when you DO feed the hunger monster.

Work out hard. Real hard. For three weeks if you can. 5-6 days a week, hour long sessions etc. Then, take a week off. What this does is, for the weeks you're working out you're building muscle and increasing your BMR. Sure you may be feeding the hunger monster too so you may not see the scale going down much (just don't let it go up). But the beauty lies in the fact that you've built up some nice muscles that now require MORE energy.

So the week off your body will be requiring more calories to fuel itself, yet you won't be famished from working out and thus your body will turn into a fat burning furnace - all the while keeping your calories in check. I used to do this all the time and had no idea why when I stopped working out I'd lose like 4-5lbs. Keep repeating this cycle. Of course if you can work out and tame the monster then you're probably too skinny to be reading this blog anyway. ;-)

So that's my take on working out.

You don't need to work out to lose weight.

But you do need to work out to change your physique and build muscle - which looks better than "skinny fat" any day of the week.

Size Wize

Tomorrow I leave for 5 days. What makes this a difficult challenge is - my clothes. I don't have enough things to wear for 5 days! I pretty much wear the same thing around here day after day and if I'm going out in public I have my choice of about two outfits. So I made a trip to Wal Mart today, since I don't plan on being this size for long I didn't need fashionable and expensive clothes. Wal Mart will do. The problem is, you get to know your real size when you buy new clothes. *Sigh*
I fit into the large 12/14 sizes, and that's pre-washing so I'm sure if I really want them to fit me after laundering I'd need xl 16? So depressing. Now for some of you that may be your goal and you're happy with that size, but for me and my body that's NOT ok.
I have skirts and pants in my closet that are 4's. How did I get so out of control? And what's funny is I look at those "small" clothes in my closet and think they should fit a child. They look like they've shrunk. Mind games I tell you. It's a weird thing what your mind believes. I still feel like I did at 130lbs, but when I see my old clothes and look at pictures I can see what a crock of crap that is.
Didn't get my exercise in this morning. Whoa is me. But I still have hope tonight.

Quick Update

Have to be quick because I hear the little one stirring. She's been off schedule since we got home - and now we're leaving again on Wednesday. Oh summer. You're killing my schedule.
Anyway, I got an 80min walk/run in on Saturday. Sunday is my official day off and today I slacked. I'm having a really hard time staying motivated. I feel like a blob of jelly when I'm out exercising and it kills me to know where I've been, and where I'm at now. Nothing is fitting and I get down so easily. I have to keep going, but leaving town is not going to help with that. I plan to get up in the morning and get an 80min run/walk in again. That is if the little one will go back to sleep and STAY asleep.
Food wise I didn't count my calories today, but if I had to guess I stayed about 1800. Tomorrow I must be perfect. One day at a time. I'll weigh myself again next monday and then again around the first of every month. No measurements until the middle of August.
Have a good night.

I'm back

Back from a great ride. I do LOVE going in the morning...when I'm out there. Plus it's so much easier when you're meeting a friend. Rode for about 70mins and burned 530 cal. I will have to go on a walk or something later tonight to make up the rest. Now I'm enjoying a delicious bowl of oats. This girl is the oatmeal queen! I topped mine with toasted almonds and peanut butter today. It's really good. And I used to hate oatmeal - with a capital H. You should try it.

Good Morning

I'm off to get a bike ride in before it gets too hot. It's early for me, I don't really like being awake before 7:30, but you gotta do what ya gotta do. I survived going out of town. I didn't exercise at all while away, but my eating wasn't too terribly bad surprisingly. I have to get back on track today counting calories. I tried to keep a mental note of what I was eating while gone, but I know I didn't hit my marks like I want to. I aim for a 1000 calorie deficit everyday with exercise and calorie counting. I've figured my BMR is 2190. So I try to eat about 1500 - 1700 calories a day and burn 600 calories through exercise. Some days I make it, some days I don't. Over a weeks period, this would give me a 2 lb weight loss.

So like I said - no exercising or counting while I was gone will not show up pretty on the scale. But today I'm back at it strong.

I'll probably ride for over an hour to hit my 600 calorie mark. It's a great way to start the day - if I could just WAKE UP!!

Have a great day.

First Weigh-In

Today I did my first weigh-in. Now one thing I should mention is that I will NOT be weighing myself regularly. Unlike some people who get motivated by a 1-2lb loss a week, it totally discourages me. I know, it shouldn't, but it does. I expect more from my sacrifice all week. (please don't go off on how 1-2lbs is considered "healthy" and should be all that I lose and that it shouldn't be a sacrifice, but a way of life - I know all that) I'm a work in progress here, with everything, including my mind. But this is where I'm at now and hopefully I'll progress through my journey.
So back to the weigh in.
I haven't weighed myself for a few weeks, ever since I saw 180 on the scale. I couldn't see that number again. AND, I believe I may have gone over that considering how I ate after I weighed myself. But today I needed to see exactly where I'm starting and since Monday is going to be my official weigh-in day and I'll be out of town, I had to do it today. I was so happy to see 178! Can't believe I'm saying that, but it's sooo much better than 180. And guess what, it motivated me to go drink a green monster for breakfast.
So I won't be weighing myself every week. More like once a month, but I will be taking my measurements, then two weeks later my weight, then two weeks later measurements, then weight...get it? So I'll have some sort of "progress" every two weeks.

Today's breakfast:
2 C of Spinach
1 C Almond milk
1/2 C blackberries
1 banana
All mixed up in the HealthMaster....sooo yummy and filling, and only 250 calories.

Lots of packing to do today. Better get to it.

Background Part 2

(See Part 1 Below)

Where was I? Oh yes...

I found that working towards something really helped me, so I did what every new runner does - I signed up for a race. Not just any race, a HALF MARATHON. No starting slow here. I was running about 3 miles at a time in Aug, and my race was in Feb. I did it, and it was the BEST time of my life. During marathon training I wasn't really aware if I was loosing weight or not (again, no scale) but people would tell me I looked great and that felt good. Of course after the race I had that post race let down. I did a few races here and there but wasn't running over 10 miles like I was, but my "size" stayed the same.

I got pregnant with my second son and again found out my weight at the doctors which was 136. But I definitely had a different physique than the first time. Again, I put on exactly 28lbs and did absolutely NO exercise while pregnant. Didn't want to "risk" it - only an excuse.

The difference was that by the time my son was born I was DYING to get back to running. 2 1/2 weeks after he was born I was running two miles - NOT RECOMMENDED. When he was three months old I had upped my runs to 7miles. BUT, I wasn't losing weight, wasn't gaining it either. Once I stopped nursing I hit the gym. I was trying to run and lift at least 4 days a week, but again it wasn't until my son was about 9months old that I really started to lose weight. This time I had a scale and I was about 145lbs. By the time my son turned one, I was at 135 and then at 14months I hit my all time low of 128lbs.

I continued to run and exercise but was now trying to incorporate healthy foods too. I switched to whole wheat, ground turkey instead of beef, and lots of salads. For the next 5months my weight pretty much stayed the same, but I looked better. I began to do triathlons, and I ran a few road races. I kept the weight off for a year, but a move out of state and going back to school I noticed my weight creeping up again. With a two and four year old and taking on nursing school I ate away my stress - and there was a lot of it. This new eating style and no time for exercise (so I thought) I reached 145lbs again over the next year. I battled this number for the rest of my school years and I graduated at almost 150lbs.

Then I got pregnant for the third time. I weighed in at 148lbs. I was so sick with this pregnancy that I lost almost 10lbs in the first three months. I thought I might even leave the hospital the same weight that I started - yeah right. The last three months I made up for feeling so crummy for so long. I gained 34lbs - NOT including the 10 I lost in the beginning. It was a number I've never seen on the scale before - 182.

When I left the hospital I had lost 20lbs! So happy about that - but it didn't last long. I lost control and began an eating fest like never before. I decided to wait on the exercise this time around and wasn't even thinking about it until two months later. Now I topped the scale at 180. Yes, 20lbs in two months. Out-of-control.

So here I am, my daughter almost three months and a good 50lbs to lose. And even after that I'd still like to lose another 10. But I figure I can take my time on that one but these 50lbs HAVE GOT TO GO.

So that's my background in a BIG nutshell. Now that you know where I've come from, you can watch where I go. And I will go.

Background Part 1

You can't really know a person, unless you know where they've come from. So here is all the background info you'll need to get to know me.

Growing up I never had "weight issues" per say, but I was on the thicker side - maybe smoother side is more like it. I wasn't the skinny girl who could eat anything, nor was I over weight. But I can remember always wanting to lose a few pounds. Body image issues right from the start I guess. One of the most hurtful things that has stuck with me since high school was when a boy I liked watched me walk toward him and said "geesh, thunder thighs". I laughed, but it stung.

I started working out at the local gym when I was a freshman in high school. I used to volunteer in the child care room so I could get free membership. I wasn't hard core about it, but I did hit the aerobics class on and off for the next three years. My senior year I signed up for a weightlifting class with my friend so we could get out of taking PE as seniors. That's when I came to love and respect weightlifting.

Off to college I went. I never really gained the freshmen 15 (I already felt like I had 15 to lose) and I got a membership right away at the gym. Again, I worked out on and off and looking back I really had no idea how to workout. But at least I was getting exercise.

I then met my to be husband who was a fitness fanatic! We're talking crazy here people. He HAD to workout everyday for about 2 hours, sometimes twice a day. He'd even show up late for dates because of a workout. I used to HATE that, but now love the fact that he's into being healthy and fit - it helps me. (he of course has calmed down a bit)

I pretty much stayed the same weight from high school on, til my first pregnancy - about 125-130lbs, mainly by walking, using machines at the gym and staying physically active (hiking etc.) My first doctor's appt when I was pregnant with my first son I weighed in at 134lbs. I ended up gaining 28lbs that pregnancy. The problem began after my son was born. A once full time worker turned stay at home mom I found comfort in baking and eating. I gained weight, but don't know how much since I didn't own a scale during this time of my life. I could tell by my clothes and pictures. I didn't start to lose any weight until my son was about 9 months old (around April) and I was about to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding. I wanted to lose weight fast so my husband suggested running. Now let's get one thing straight - I HATED RUNNING. I mean really hated it, like would do anything else in the world hated it. It was the worst and I would tease my husband about it every time he'd take off for a run. But I was desperate.

I started to run/walk. More like walk/run. I couldn't run for more than a block, literally. But each time I added more and more distance - like make it to the next fire hydrant or telephone pole distance. Not too extreme here. Plus I cut all my food portions in half. I didn't restrict eating or count calories, just cut everything I would have normally ate in half. It worked! And by the time my friend's wedding rolled around (June) I had to have my size 12 dress taken in, roughly 2 sizes. I felt great. But the best part was I found a love for running. Yes, I converted. Plus I was so happy with the results I had to keep going.

(to be continued...)

Welcome Aboard

Here it is...the beginning of a very long and hard journey, but I know it will be worth it. I've had enough living in this fat coat and now it's time to shred it. This blog will shamelessly follow my journey to losing over 50lbs and then (hopefully) turning into an Iron Women! I won't hold anything back even to my ego's dismay. I'm not a registered dietitian and I don't know everything about healthy living- but I have been interested in nutrition and exercise since I was in high school and have read a lot about it since. The ideas and programs followed in this blog are choices I make for me - you should seek medical advice before starting any diet and exercise program. Ok, enough logistics. If you're looking for inspiration or willing to give motivation (cause I'll need it!) then stick around and hop aboard this crazy train. I guarantee there will be bumps and curves ahead.